20. Saying "no" to grow: The art of rejecting new opportunities

A mix of boundaries, time investment and knowing how much you are really worth

Author

Maria Luísa Moreira
July 30, 2024

Welcome to The Gender Diplomat! 🇺🇦

Before we cool off in August (the show must go on and The Gender Diplomat newsletter will continue to be published every week!), I bring you some recent reflections I've made based on my career musings and conversations I've had with my network.

So today, on ‘the (very difficult and unfair) art of saying thanks but not thanks to opportunities’, I'd like us to focus on setting healthy boundaries in a competitive market and knowing how much we're worth in order to really be smarter about our time. I've spent the last few weeks reflecting on my career and the things that urgently need improving, and learning to say NO more often has come up frequently. In fact, I'd never had the time and space to think about how many of my YESes only benefited other people and not my career.

Here's what I initially struggled with but eventually learned to say “thanks but no thanks” to

1) Unpaid talks at corporate events

I know that I am a great speaker and communicator and that I also invest a lot of time in preparing my key messages, advice, opinions and analyses. Preparation and knowledge are two different streams of time investment that deserve to be rewarded: Have you ever calculated how long it takes to prepare for panels, liaise with the hosts, speak on the day and publicise your public appearances? (As a frequent public speaker, I don't even want to do the maths, otherwise I'll cry). If it takes hours from my week (usually beyond my already packed 9 to 5), why would a big company even consider asking for my ideas and public speeches for free? Because they capitalise on a competitive market and know that someone will eventually say yes (if it's not you, it'll be someone else, and that person will acquire another line of CV). This makes it ridiculously unfair, especially during the first few years of your career; and there is something else that would play in our favour: Being more honest, transparent and demanding when it comes to compensation for similar public commitments (we don’t talk enough about money). In any case, from September, I'll only be working for free with NGOs and small grassroots initiatives.

2) Blindly participate in projects run by other people

After creating my growing platform, I stopped giving my time for free to other people's projects because my resources, network and expertise are worth money (and again: time!). I also implement a 24-hour cooling-off period to every big invitation I receive to join a team, project, etc., which gives me time to reflect on how appropriate and beneficial it would really be for me (or whether it's just my ego wanting to say yes to every invitation). Before you join 100s of projects, sit down and write what you genuinely enjoy doing and what you will gain from joining those 100 projects. We don’t all have to be entrepreneurs and super hands on, but taking targeted initiative is always better than all-over-the-place initiative. From September, I'll be concentrating entirely and exclusively on The Gender Diplomat's platform and community, giving back as and whenever I can, brainstorming new sub-initiatives and expanding from there. Recently, I abandoned all external projects that were simply consuming my time and giving me little in return (including recognition), and now before embarking on a new project, I ask myself:

Is it aligned with my current personal and career strategy? And how will this benefit me in the long term? And is there a trade-off that could drain my energy and concentration from the things that give me pleasure?

3) Giving advice for free in 1-1 ‘pick my brain’ chats

There is a lot of publicly available information about my career, my opinions and my ideas (including this newsletter!), which already takes a lot of time and resources on my part – technically, you can know bits about me without really knowing me. Not only is it practically impossible for me to accept every meeting request and LinkedIn DMs, but I also run a company, have consultancy clients and my weekly hours are limited just like any other human being. This means that I have few spaces available to engage privately and subsequently I refrain from giving 1-1 advice for free because: firstly, most conversations only benefit the person asking the questions and wanting to know more about me, so I have to find other forms of compensation; secondly, I work as a consultant, which means I could be using my time for something else, i.e. working and earning a salary; and finally, I know my worth and money is a recognition of that. I've invested years of time and resources in my own career and in becoming who I am today, and I know the value of what I have to offer. Paying for this ‘service’ makes things much more enjoyable for both parties because it makes our time productive and mutually beneficial.

Growing in and out of your 9 to 5

WHAT I’M READING & WATCHING THIS WEEK

  • External action: at the heart of European diplomacy @ EEAS

  • Melinda French Gates Is Ready to Take Sides @ The New York Times

  • Hundreds of girls say they face sexual harassment online. This is what they want to change @ CNN

  • Become a UNAI SDG Hub: Applications open to all member institutions

  • Grit: the power of passion and perseverance @ TED Talks

  • Your Professional Decline Is Coming (Much) Sooner Than You Think @ The Atlantic

  • OpenAI Founder Sam Altman Gave Thousands Of People Free Money. Here’s What Happened @ FORBES

  • How America lost its mind @ The Atlantic

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